And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
And then he peed in my hair
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