my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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