cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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