thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
