i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
