after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I love having hate sex.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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