I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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