So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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