Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
