Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
