dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
