Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
