I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
