Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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