8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
