Yo dont text me then not text me
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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