Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
