Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
