Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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