peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
