high people should be assigned attendants
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
