Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
