Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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