my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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