Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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