The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
