But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Randomize
