she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
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