What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
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