At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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