You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
