I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
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