i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
