Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
