he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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