we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
