Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
That accounts for only three of the penises
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
