sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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