My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
