I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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