Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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