chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
