Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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