We named our party play list daddy issues
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
