I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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