Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize