Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
