Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Randomize
