I just pynch a tree in the face
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
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