I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
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