woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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