You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize