woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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