There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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