I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
