wanna go halves on a baby?
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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