The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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