the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need a burrito and a hug.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
