God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
