Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
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