so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
