I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
