it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
