I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize